The Sanctity of Denial
by Kaida the Dragon Goddess
Summary: He was jealous, he was scared, he was stupid and bigoted and every other homophobic stereotype, just to hide the truth. To keep himself alive, to keep himself sane, because he’d lose every friend he’d ever had if they knew." Taito, AU, shounen-ai
1. Default Chapter

Well, what can I say? Digimon _was_ my first anime, after all…and my pretty little Yamato was my first bishie. My first shounen-ai (as well as yaoi) was a Taito, so, needless to say, what's what this is going to be. Maybe. Not really sure yet.

As you can see, Digimon was a lot of firsts for me. My first fanfic, too, I forgot to mention that, although I never published it. Good times, good times. I think I was eleven…hah, even then I was into Ishida angst…it was _bad_ Ishida angst, but still…eleven…

Chapter One

Yagami Taichi was as gay as they came.

Ah, sure, he'd never admitted it to anyone. True, he wore 'normal' clothes, spoke 'normally,' and dated girls, just like all the other guys. Sure, he'd joke around with his soccer team about all the 'fags' at their school. Yes, he could be unnecessarily cruel. And yes, he hated himself for it.

He was jealous, he was scared, he was stupid and bigoted and every other homophobic stereotype, just to hide the truth. To keep himself alive, to keep himself sane, because he'd lose every friend he'd ever had if they knew. But he couldn't help envying the openly gay boys, clustering by themselves, away from the normal kids that mocked them and scorned them and made them feel like shit. Tai would have given anything to be one of them, giggles and all. He wanted to be able to dress the way they did (skintight clothes, leaving nothing to the imagination, but _damn_ were they hot), he wanted to be able to laugh with them and hang off of the sexy ones (jokingly or not) and be himself, for once in his life.

Who was he kidding? That wasn't going to happen. He had a girlfriend, a sweet little redhead tomboy named Sora, and they'd been dating…well, forever, practically. Even before Sora had ever asked Tai out, they'd been best friends. They knew each other better than anyone else, except for the one small problem that he, Yagami Taichi, was just another queer. He couldn't tell her that. He almost wanted to, because it hurt seeing her face fall every time he refused to sleep with her. He lied, saying he was saving himself until marriage, but in truth the idea of a female body scared the hell out of him. She was pretty, even he could see that, but she was so…soft.

He didn't want soft. He wanted it rough, hard sweat-slicked skin pressed against his own, a hot mouth panting heavily into his ear as he was shoved into the mattress and fucked senseless…and he needed to stop thinking along this line, he really did. It didn't do any good, and it left him with a rather…uncomfortable problem. And then he'd have to take care of said problem, and _that_ was just humiliating, especially because he tried so hard to make himself respond to women…he'd visited the websites, bought the magazines, and then wound up burning them all because they embarrassed him. It was always, _always_ the images of lust-darkened eyes, long, thin limbs, firm muscles and sweat and a deep, husky voice purring as a faceless boy writhed above him in exquisite, picturesque agony that brought his release.

He didn't allow himself any pleasure. He couldn't. It was wrong, it was sick, and he was punishing himself more than anything. It was a necessary evil, but he tried to will it away, tried to train his body through pain, gripping himself far tighter than was absolutely vital, but it never, ever worked. He'd eventually had to give up showering with the team after practice, because something about the steam made him hallucinate and all the wet, soapy male bodies pressed around him really, really didn't help anything. So yes, Tai was fairly convinced that he was gay.

And damn it, he wished he could be proud of that.

More than anything, even more than that, he wanted someone to talk to. Someone to release the tension, because sometimes Tai felt like he was going to explode, completely lose it and go stark raving mad. It hurt, having no one to turn to, nowhere to go, because as much as he loved his parents and his little sister…_that_ wasn't exactly something he could bring up in casual conversation. 'Yeah, by the way Mom, I think guys are sexy.' Mm-hm. That'd go over well.

Maybe what it the hardest was that he'd had that once. He'd had someone he could talk to about nearly anything. He was a few years younger than Tai, around Kari's age, maybe. His name was Motomiya Daisuke, and he had the most gorgeous auburn hair Tai had ever seen. But, like everything else in his life, Tai had managed to fuck _that_ up too.

Daisuke had been one of the sweetest people Tai had ever met. They'd played soccer together for a couple years, back when Tai was a freshman and Daisuke was still in middle school. They'd hit it off right away, become best friends practically overnight. It was about four months after he met Dai that he found out he was gay.

oooo_Flashback_ooooo

"Daisuke! Tai's here!" Mrs. Motomiya smiled at Tai and he grinned back. He liked her; she reminded him a lot of his own mother, except for the fact that she could actually cook without poisoning anyone, a skill Tai held in high regard after fourteen years of his mother's 'nutritious' meals. "It's nice to see you again, Tai."

"You too," Tai responded. He turned and jogged up the stairs, throwing Daisuke's door open and dropping his bag on the floor. He flopped onto Daisuke's bed with a groan; he'd run all the way here, for no apparent reason other than he was bored. So now he was hot, sweaty and tired, and his clothes were sticking to him in a most uncomfortable way.

"Hey, Tai." Tai sat up so he could see his friend and immediately wished he hadn't. Dai was standing in the doorway, naked save for a very small towel wrapped around his waist and hanging very, very low on his hips. He was rubbing his auburn hair dry with another towel, his bronzed skin gleaming most appealingly in the sunlight that streamed through his window. Oh, he was _sexy_…soccer did a body good, Tai thought, admiring his toned chest, sculpted arms, slender legs, and wondered if he looked anything like that.

Great. Now he was hot, sweaty, tired and incredibly, incredibly horny.

"Put some clothes on!" was the first thing Tai managed to screech at Daisuke, diving under the covers, burying his head. "Do you generally walk around your house half-naked!"

Dai blinked at the lump under his sheets. "Uh…no," he said slowly. "But…uh…y'know, I had to take a shower…"

"While I was here?"

"Took longer than I thought." Tai could hear footsteps, faint but undoubtedly there, as Dai rifled through his drawers for clothes.

"Is it safe?" Tai poked his head out and was greeted by a wonderful view of Daisuke's barely-covered ass. "Ahh!"

"You'll notice I didn't say yes," Dai commented bitingly, scurrying into the bathroom with his armful of clothing.

"Gah," was all Tai managed as he scrubbed his hands through his hair, trying desperately to will away the image of Daisuke, but the damn thing just…wouldn't…go…away…He moaned and hauled himself off of the bed, hoping Daisuke would be changing for a while. "I'm gonna clear out a drawer to put my stuff in, that okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Daisuke called from the bathroom over the roar of the hair dryer. "Just toss my junk on the bed or something."

"Fair enough," Tai murmured. He tugged at Daisuke's drawer, half-afraid that something would leap out at him (he'd slept over before and he'd seen the beast that lived under Dai's bed, although Dai swore that it was only a pile of dirty laundry and Tai's overactive imagination). The drawer didn't seem to want to cooperate, and Tai didn't very well want to break that thing…he jerked at it, praying that the handle wouldn't come off and it finally slid open with a screech, evidence that it hadn't been used in a while.

"Soccer magazines. Original." Tai began pulling them out of the drawer and tossing them behind him, vaguely aiming for the bed and missing half of the time. He also threw a few socks, a battered Converse sneaker that had to have been from Daisuke's childhood, as it was about five inches long, a small, well-loved plush bunny (he'd tease Dai about that later) and an obviously never-opened copy of Webster's Dictionary. He was sure Dai hadn't used it, as the boy couldn't speak English worth anything, and was making no attempt to learn.

And then his eye caught something, a corner of pink peeking out from under the dictionary. Pink? Soccer magazines weren't _pink_. What was this then?

It was a manga, a pink, girly-looking manga, and that took Tai by surprise, since he'd never really figured Dai for an otaku. He flipped through it, not finding anything interesting, and dropped it on the floor. He picked up the next book, wondering briefly if the person on the cover was a boy or a girl—it was pretty enough to be female, but it seemed…lacking in the chest area. _Okane ga Nai? No Money?_ The name struck a chord somewhere, but Tai had only read a few manga, and didn't know where he would have heard of this. He opened the cover, turned a few pages and flushed bright crimson.

It was a male. It was definitely, undoubtedly, a male. He was on all fours, clutching at the bedcovers and crying while a fierce-looking man behind him—ooh, he couldn't even _think_ that, he couldn't think at all, because he seemed to have entered the Twilight Zone without any warning whatsoever. See, Dai was straight. Tai knew that. After all, how many times had he threatened to kill Daisuke for hitting on Kari?

"Hey, you wrecked my room…oh…dear…" Dai's voice trailed off as he realized what Tai was reading. "Uh…that's…I mean…oh, hell…" It wasn't so much a protest as a whimper, and Daisuke sank to the floor, eyes wide and dazed. "I'm sorry," he said in a tiny, pathetic voice. "This…I was going to tell you, I just…this isn't how I wanted you to find out…"

"You're…gay?" Tai asked numbly, staring down at the page where the uke stared back at him, pretty face screwed up in pain, tears coursing down his cheeks. "I mean, this is yaoi, of course you are…"

Daisuke ducked his head, ashamed. "I'm sorry. I…I understand if you want to go, I'll help you pack your stuff…"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just…wanted a friend. That's all. I'm sorry." Daisuke rubbed at his eyes, trying to stop the tears, but they insisted on flowing down his cheeks as his breath hitched and he sobbed as quietly as he could. He was going to lose him, going to lose Tai, the only person he'd really ever let himself get close to, the only person he'd been able to talk to about _nearly_ everything…all his fault, all his fault for being like this, for being so sick and…he winced when Tai's hand struck his cheek and he fell back, clutching his face.

"Idiot. Stop apologizing." Tai's shoulders were shaking and Dai was staring at him in undisguised amazement, absolutely certain Tai had gone completely insane, because he was…well, he was _laughing._ He chuckled and leapt at Dai, pinning him to the floor and giggling into his stomach with the sort of adorable mischievousness that only Tai could pull off. "You…you thought I'd hate you, did you?"

"Uh…well, yeah," Daisuke said, completely bewildered. Tai was hugging him fiercely and this only set off another uproarious fit until he was actually crying, he was laughing so hard. "Why the hell is that funny?" Daisuke snapped, irritated and confused. This wasn't amusing; his best friend had just found out something that he'd never wanted to admit to anyone, why wasn't he angry? Why wasn't he disgusted and…what the fuck was going on?

"It's…hilarious," Tai gasped between snickers. "That you…thought that…too!"

"What?"

"I'm…ahahahah… I'm…" He lapsed into another fit of giggles and Dai grabbed him by the shoulders.

"You're what?" Daisuke shook Tai harshly, brown eyes fierce and angry. "You're what? Damn it, Yagami, stop laughing at me!"

Tai did. "I'm sorry," he said, still with that idiotic grin on his face. "It's just ironic. We really are a lot alike, aren't we?"

"Na? You mean…you're…"

"Just as gay as you," Tai confessed and this time both of them, sprawled out on the floor and practically all over each other, began laughing, the sort of mirth born of the relief of being, at long last, accepted.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo

Tai grinned, a trademark lopsided grin he hadn't seen on his own face in nearly six months, not since…since he'd ruined Dai. Destroyed everything they'd ever had in one afternoon. That had to be some sort of world record or something. The smile dropped off his face immediately.

He hadn't loved Dai. He'd trusted him, loved him like a friend and brother, but they never would have been able to pull off a relationship. They were too much alike, and both knew that anything they started would be doomed to failure. They both valued their friendship too much to jeopardize it for that, and they'd remained the best of friends, inseparable and nearly connected at the hip. Some of Tai's friends had even begun to refer to Daisuke as Tai's 'better half,' and Dai smiled every time they did, even though Tai wasn't necessarily pleased with it.

They'd done everything together, and rarely was there a night when one of them wasn't over at the other's house, school night or not, staying up until three talking, watching bad movies and giggling over yaoi manga.

And then…then _it_ had happened.

It had always been understood that they kept one another's secrets. Even if one of them was found out, the other wasn't to be exposed. There was never mention of anything that wasn't strictly heterosexual around anyone. They were so careful, so cautious…

Daisuke had been the one to slip up. It was after soccer practice, a practice Dai had skipped, excusing himself with a 'stomachache.' Tai had winked at him, knowing very well that Dai was fine and just didn't want to work today. He'd wondered briefly what was going on with his friend; he'd seemed distracted lately, and Tai vowed to talk to him about it right after practice.

He never got the chance.

The team had not walked so much as stormed into the locker room, still high on the adrenaline rush of playing a rough game of scrimmage, laughing and joking around. Tai himself had been fake-wrestling with Shintaro, a skinny redhead a year older and a head shorter than Tai himself.

"Yaaargh!" Shintaro launched himself onto Tai's back, grabbing the brunette around the neck and hanging on for dear life as Tai staggered about, trying to throw him off. "Who's the bitch now, Yagami?"

"Shintaro, get the hell off!" Tai laughed, waving his arms in an attempt to swat his overzealous friend away. "I can't breathe!"

Neither one had noticed that the team had stopped moving until they realized they were the only ones talking, as the rest of the boys had fallen completely silent.

Frozen against the lockers, with a flushed face and a half-unbuttoned shirt was Daisuke, arms wrapped around the slim waist of a pretty black-haired boy, who in turn had his arms twined around the back of Dai's neck. It was fairly obvious what they'd been doing, as both were panting and blushing bright red, hair ruffled and clothes askew. The black-haired boy gave a startled 'eep,' ducked his head and fled, pushing past the team. The soccer players let him pass, sparing him no more than a glance, as none of them really knew who he was and didn't particularly care.

"What the hell were you doing?" Shintaro's voice was cold and Tai didn't think he'd ever seen the redhead so serious. His back was ramrod-straight, his eyes hard as flint, fists clenched at his sides. "Dammit, answer me, Motomiya!"

Dai flinched at the sound of his surname and Tai winced—Shintaro had always liked Dai, referring to him by the endearing 'Dai-chan.' "I…I was just…" Dai stuttered, gaze flicking over every player's face, searching for a sympathetic gaze rather than the scathing glares his teammates were giving him.

Once he found his voice, Dai had been vehement in his protests that there was nothing wrong with him, that he was sorry they'd had to find out like this, and that no, he had no intention of molesting any of them.

They'd turned to Tai, who'd been, up until that point, completely silent. All the blood had drained from his face and someone, rather unkindly, had pointed out that this was a normal reaction for someone who'd just found out his best friend was a fairy. "I mean God," the kid had whispered, "he's _slept over_ at Daisuke's house…"

Shintaro nudged him in the ribs. "C'mon man, say something."

Tai had spluttered, completely at a loss until some idiot had remarked that perhaps he knew, maybe Tai himself was gay.

"Shut up," Shintaro had snapped at them. "Tai's not gay. Right?" He'd turned to Tai, obviously expecting confirmation. "Tell 'em, man."

And Tai had. He'd recovered then, snapped out of his trance and made some biting comments about Daisuke's sexual preferences (he vaguely remembered calling him a pervert and a slag), all the while trying to apologize with his eyes, desperately hoping that Dai realized he didn't actually _mean_ this, he just had to say it. It was expected.

Dai hadn't understood. Somehow the message hadn't gotten across and he'd become strangely quiet, large hazel eyes brimming with tears that streamed silently down his cheeks and he fisted his hands at his sides, making an off choking noise at the back of his throat. Tai knew he should stop, knew he should just confess and get it over with, but he couldn't, he _couldn't—_

And then he'd said the cruelest thing possible, something that made Dai break down and sob for the first time since this whole thing had started. "No friend of mine's a fucking fag."

The minute it was out of his mouth, he regretted it. Dai gave a pained sob and wrapped his arms around his thin chest, whimpering like a puppy that had just been kicked.

Shintaro had given the rest of them a victorious 'I told you so' grin and Tai had just stood there, dead still, watching Dai try to fight back the gasps that shook his slim body. He watched his best friend and it was _his_ fault—he wanted to apologize, to comfort Dai and hold him and beg him for forgiveness, but he couldn't make himself move.

Daisuke managed—barely—to compose himself lone enough to choke out an "Okay, then," before he ran. The other team members had laughed and jeered, but to Tai it was just another thing he'd done that he couldn't live with.

Daisuke was a better person than he was, and Tai was horribly aware of it. The poor boy tried to keep coming to soccer practice, but the whispered taunts, the 'accidental' kicks that left him with swollen, bruised legs, the shoulders that rammed into him when he wasn't looking—it was too much. He quietly dropped off the team three weeks after _it_ had happened.

And despite what had happened, despite what Tai had done to him, Daisuke kept his word. He didn't tell anyone about Tai. He even heard Tai out when the elder boy had called him, crying and apologizing madly. Daisuke had listened quietly and said, in that awful, tiny, scared voice that it was alright. No matter how Tai argued, Dai forgave him. He just couldn't be friends with him anymore, not after what had happened. He didn't hate Tai, but neither did he trust him.

Tai didn't want to be forgiven. He wanted Daisuke to get angry, to yell at him, to pay him back for all the horrible things he'd done. He wanted to be punished for it so he could make up for it, and then everything would be alright, he'd have his best friend back.

But Dai had told him there wasn't any way it could happen. Tai had hurt him deeply and it was over. There wasn't anything he could do. It would be better if they just went their separate ways. And then he'd said goodbye and hung up.

Tai had cried himself to sleep for a month, hating himself, missing Daisuke and wanting something, wanting something that he couldn't name, but made him burn so _badly_ inside that he wanted to die, just so the pain would stop. His little sister, Kari, had been worried about him. Her boyfriend, Takeru, had been a close friend of Daisuke's, and therefore she, by association, had also come to know the auburn-haired boy quite well. She knew Tai must have done something awful do drive Daisuke away.

She just didn't know what it was.

The depression didn't get any better. He was fine at school, a little quiet but pretty much himself, until he came home. He'd lock himself in his room and wouldn't come out until it was time for dinner. He'd only pick at his food and Kari was rather disturbed by the amount of weight her brother had been losing lately. Her mother had assured her it was just teen angst and that he'd get over it, but somehow Kari didn't think so. She knew Tai better than her parents ever could; he'd practically raised her since the Yagamis were almost always at work. Tai didn't _do_ angst.

So here she was, standing at her brother's door, nervous as hell. And she _never_ got nervous; not around Tai, at least. She'd practically been raised by him, and he was the only person in the world (besides Takeru, of course) that she'd trust with anything. She knocked hesitantly on Tai's door. "Hey, Tai? Can I come in?"

"Door's open," came the muffled reply from inside. She entered, closing the door behind her with a soft click, and he rolled onto his back, peering through the gloom at her. "Whaddya want, Kari?"

"I wanted to talk to you, nii-chan," she said, seating herself on the corner of his bed not covered by his sprawling limbs. Tai didn't lie down, he engulfed furniture, commandeered it, and damn anyone else who possibly had hoped to use it. "I'm worried."

" 'Bout what?" He sat up, running his hands through his hair. "What's wrong? Takeru didn't try anything, did he?"

Kari normally would have laughed at the thought of sweet, shy Takeru being anything but…well, sweet and shy. "No, he didn't. I'm worried about you, Tai."

He grunted and turned away. "No need to. I'm fine."

They sat in awkward silence until Kari ventured, "I haven't seen Daisuke around in a while." Was it her imagination, or did he…flinch? "Did something happen?"

"Get out."

"What?"

"I said _get out!_" Tai roared, whirling on her. His eyes were bright with tears, his face contorted in fury, and for the first time, Kari was scared of her own brother. Her gentle, kind brother, who would never have acted like this had something horrible not happened. She wasn't one to give up (some said she was stubborn, but Kari preferred 'insistant') and she scowled right back at him.

"If you think I'm leaving just because you throw a hissy fit at me, you're wrong. I want to know what happened and I want to know _now_, nii-chan."

"No."

They glared at each other for a good three minutes before Tai broke away, growling irritably as he flopped back onto his bed, facedown. "Get the hell out of my room, Kari. You don't want to know."

"Let me be the judge of that."

He hissed, but made no move to throw her out. She took this as a good sign and settled herself on the bed, leaning against the wall. It was silent for another few minutes and then Tai spoke.

"You're not leaving, are you?"

"Nope," she said cheerfully.

"I'm gay," he said flatly, face still buried in his pillows. "There. Happy?"

"And?"

He shot upright, eyes wide with disbelief. "You…didn't you hear me? I'm gay, Hikari. You know what that means, don't you?"

"You find boys sexy." She waved a dismissive hand at him. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Tell me that's not what's got you so down, Tai. That's really stupid."

"You're taking this awfully well," he said suspiciously.

"I'm friends with Ken and Daisuke, in case you've forgotten. Gay boys don't bother me. Actually," she said, with a giggle, "I think they're kind of cute."

"Ken?"

"Daisuke's boyfriend. Honestly, you didn't know that? I thought you and Dai were—oops," she said, clapping a hand over her mouth when she saw Tai wince at the mention of Daisuke's name. "Sorry."

"I was horrible to him," Tai whispered. "I was awful."

"What'd you say?" she pressed. Tai shook his head and buried his face in his pillow.

"Later, Kari? I just wanna be alone right now."

"Okay," she relented. "You promise you'll tell me when you're ready?"

He gave her a fleeting grin and waved her away. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

"That might be taking it a little far."

ooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"Good morning, Taichi!"

He grunted in response and flopped dramatically over his desk. He was _tired_, he'd been awake nearly all night and he could only vaguely remember the dreams that had kept him up.

_Golden hair and cold blue eyes, the face of an angel and the voice of sin, hissing in his ear as artist's fingers wandered his body, setting his skin on fire. He arched and moaned and begged as those fingers tore at him, ripped him apart because it felt so good, so _good…

"Earth to Tai." Sora rapped her knuckles on the side of his head, giving him a worried look. "You in there?"

"Hunh? Yeah, I'm fine. Just—" he yawned "—didn't get much sleep, that's all."

"That's not good for you." Jyou, a pretty blue-haired boy that occupied the desk in front of him turned around, resting his arm on Tai's desk. They weren't the best of friends, but they ran in the same circles (odd, because Jyou was intelligent and Tai was…well, he was Tai.), and had become acquaintances rather quickly. Jyou was usually an interesting person to talk to, once you reminded him that not everyone present had a 200 IQ.

"Thanks, Doctor," Tai said sarcastically. Sora clucked sympathetically and began massaging his shoulders gently. He tensed up, wanting her hands off him Right Now, but figured it would look rather bad if he ran away screaming. After all, he'd managed to keep himself calm on every one of their dates, he'd kissed her more times than he could count, why did this bother him so much?

"Feel better?"

He gave her a grateful smile. "Yeah. Thanks, babe."

She giggled and flushed cutely. She _was_ attractive, there was no doubt about it, with her soft auburn hair barely brushing pale cheeks and large, smiling eyes, but Tai just…didn't want her. He knew she had a body any boy in school would have been glad to jump, but…he couldn't _make_ himself want her, no matter how hard he tried. "Ow, Sora, that's enough."

She giggled again and released him. "Wimp," she teased fondly. "I barely touched you."

"Yeah, last time you said that I wound up with a broken wrist," Tai grumbled, only half-joking. It really had happened, about a year ago. They'd been playing soccer and Sora—well, she was more than a bit tomboyish, and frighteningly competitive. She'd decided, apparently, that soccer should be a contact sport and before he'd known what was happening, ninety-five pounds of adrenaline-high Sora was hurling at him, catching him around the knees and knocking him to the ground. He'd landed funny and he'd clearly heard the bone snap, but she hadn't believed him until he'd started crying.

"That was an accident," she protested. Tai gave her a mock-angry glare and waved her away; he really, really just wanted a quick nap before homeroom started.

Of course, before he could fall asleep, an angel walked into the classroom.

He was the most gorgeous thing Tai had seen, plain and simple. Prettier than Sora, that Kari, that Daisuke, even. Golden hair framed a perfectly-shaped face in soft curls, flipped at the end for an even more feminine air. His lips were pale, only a little brighter than his milk-white skin, but full, captivating, pouty without actually meaning to be. Sapphire eyes caught and held Tai's gaze, sultry, dark, inviting, and Tai wondered if he was imagining things—surely this angel wasn't looking at him? But then one eye closed in a languorous wink and a corner of the beautiful mouth curled in a smile, sending an unfamiliar shiver down his spine.

He wore the school uniform, of course, but (unlike most of the males in the school) he wore it properly, with the jacket buttoned completely, the sleeves rolled down over delicate wrists. A small pink tongue flicked out and moistened his lips and Tai found himself staring, wondering if that was some sort of invitation, or if the boy was just nervous.

"Tai…"

It was only a distant irritation; he could ignore Jyou. What he had to say couldn't possibly be more important than this…

"Tai…"

Oh, what did he want? Couldn't he just shut up and let Tai stare in peace?

"TAI!"

"Augh! What?" Tai glared at Jyou and the blue-haired boy returned the look serenely.

"Once you've put your eyes back in, you'll figure out he's talking to you."

"What? Oh, um, sorry." Tai laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head. The blonde gave him an understanding half-smirk and Tai blushed; ooh, he was _sexy_.

"Is this Azuma-sensei's classroom? I've just been transferred from S High, and—"

"You're from S?" Jyou asked excitedly. "The prep school? You must be brilliant! What're you doing in Odaiba High?"

"I failed," the blonde replied, voice laced with amusement.

"Oh." Jyou flushed and buried his nose in his book once again. "Sorry."

"That's alright. Anyways, um—"

"Tai."

"Tai. Right." He offered his hand and Tai shook it warmly. "Ishida Yamato. I suppose we're classmates now?"

"Y-yeah," Tai stuttered, withdrawing his hand from Yamato's grasp a little too quickly. Yamato merely smiled and set his bag down on the desk next to Tai. The brunette shifted uncomfortably; something about that smile creeped him out—it was as if he _knew. _

Impossible. Tai was just being paranoid. How could anyone know? Kari had been the only one he'd told, besides Dai, and he knew neither of them would ever spill…But when cool fingers closed over his hand and lingered there for a _little_ too long, Tai couldn't help but stare down at them, pale against his own tanned skin. "Um…Ishida-san…"

"Please," the blonde said. "Call me Yamato."

"Yamato…kun?"

The blonde sighed. "I'll take what I can get. You haven't told me your full name."

"Yagami. Yagami Taichi."

"Cute," Yamato observed with a smirk. "A name to match the face." He pulled his hand back when Sora approached, fists clenched and a challenge burning in her eyes. Tai winced; he knew that look, and he hoped that Yamato had sense enough not to provoke her. "Hello, who's this?"

"This," Sora snapped, "Is Takenouchi Sorata. Taichi's _girlfriend_. Who're you."

"Sora," Tai said weakly. "Be nice. He's new."

"He's also hitting on you, Taichi dear," she said in a sickly-sweet tone that scared the living daylights out of Tai. "Can I help you with something, or would you prefer to stare at my boyfriend a little more?"

"If you don't mind," Yamato replied with an easy grin. Sora didn't seem to take that well at all and she turned a veritable shade of purple. She was getting disapproving frowns from every other female in the class but she didn't seem to notice…and if she did, she was hard-pressed to care.

"Listen, princess," she snarled at Yamato (his face darkened at the nickname). "Tai's _mine_, you hear me? He's straight and he's mine, so you stay the hell away from him, fag!"

"Sora!" She broke off, shocked, and stared at Tai. "Don't talk to him like that! He just _got_ here, could you at least try being nice?"

"He was flirting with you!"

"Was I flirting back? Leave him alone!" He was more furious than he'd ever been in his life…people like her were the reason he was so damn unhappy, how could she talk to anyone like that? "How do you have any right to stand there and _bitch_ at someone you've just met? I can't believe you!"

She looked like she was about to cry and Tai, for the life of him, couldn't make himself care. He was snarling and only half-conscious of what he was saying, but it must have been awful, because next thing he knew she'd slapped him hard and run out of the classroom.

Yamato was watching him, that same smug grin on his face. "Straight?" he echoed, tapping immaculately-groomed fingernails on Jyou's desk while the blue-haired boy left to comfort Sora. "Somehow I doubt that."


	2. Chapter 2

1Chapter Two

(A/N: Matt's band is completely made up. I've no idea if you ever actually meet any of the Wolves in the series, so here goes:

Arakida Haruki–electric guitar. Quiet most of the time, hard rocker onstage. Acts the most 'normal' of the Wolves. Sexuality never discussed–doesn't appear attracted to anyone or anything, although he _is_ close friends with Seki. Shows a side of him onstage that no one ever gets to see in real life–angry and tormented.

Fukishima Sekien (Seki)–drummer. Wild, sex-crazed and slightly psychotic. Will go after anything on two legs, but he prefers guys. Constantly flirting with the other Wolves, but he likes messing with Haruki (his best friend) the most.

Iesada Katsuyuki (Katsu)–bass guitar, songwriter. Yama does lyrics, Katsu puts them to music. A little spacey sometimes. Master at martial arts, and therefore the most likely to be able to 'control' Seki. Likes Yama, doesn't think he's got a chance.)

Taichi was the fidgety type, which Yamato found far more entertaining than he rightfully should have. He wondered if the brunette was neurotic by nature, or if it was perhaps Yama's presence, and he couldn't help but hide a smile at the last bit. His face remained perfectly calm as he watched Tai squirm out of the corner of his eye.

They were on the roof, eating lunch and watching Tai's soccer team practice twenty feet below them. Tai had finished his lunch quickly and was now engaged in pointedly _not_ looking at Yama while the blonde ate. Yama was truly having fun with this; he was surprised no one had figured it out yet. He very deliberately spilled some of his Coke onto his hand and licked it up, running his tongue in long, sensuous strokes over his own pale flesh. Tai turned a truly magnificent shade of crimson and ducked his head while Yama but his lip and tried not to laugh.

"Pocky, Taichi-san?" Yama held the box out to the madly flushing brunette. "I hope you don't mind strawberry." Tai glanced up at him to see Yama teasing the candy-coated end of the pocky stick with his tongue a little more than necessary, mumbled something that very well might have been an affirmative (or a disparaging remark about Yama's grandfather, but he kind of suspected the former), fumbled for the box and promptly knocked it over.

Yama's grin widened as the boy blushed positively scarlet and began to frantically pick the pocky up off the ground. Of course, he didn't notice that, in his scramble to retrieve the fallen snacks, he'd wound up on his knees with his head between Yama's outstretched legs. He looked up at the blonde to hand him back the pocky and apparently realized his somewhat compromising position, because he began to babble an apology that, taken at face value, made very little sense.

"It's okay," Yama said with a friendly smile. "The pocky's fine, look. Five-second rule." And he broke off the end of one of the offered sticks and stuck it in his mouth.

Tai ducked his head and muttered again, returning to his seat with all the finesse of a very drunk sumo wrestler; he nearly tripped over his own feet.

"So," Yama said conversationally. "Are you usually this graceful, or am I the exception? I can't imagine you'd make it very far in soccer with coordination like that."

"Shut up," Tai growled.

"Someone's touchy today," Yama said with a sigh and resolved to stop provoking the poor boy.

Well, for today at least.

"Shut _up_, Ishida."

"And so eloquent. I _do _love an articulate man." He watched Tai closely, noting the deepening flush across tanned cheeks. No, Yama hadn't been wrong about this one, hadn't been wrong at all.

"Stop joking around, Ishida."

"What makes you think I'm joking?" Yama said airily with an over-exaggerated flip of one hand and a slight lisp. "Seriously, honey, you should try loosening up a bit. Stress is bad for the skin!"

Tai looked at him curiously for a moment, as if trying to decide whether he was kidding or not. But then he grinned and graced Yama with a laugh, one of the few genuine laughs he'd ever heard from Tai. The mood eased and Tai could look at him again–it was an odd (if predictable) game the brunette played sometimes. "So you coming to the arcade after school?"

"I don't think so. I've got band practice."

Tai visibly deflated at the first bit, but perked up at the phrase "band practice." Yama smirked. Tai had been clinging to him lately, seemingly taking any excuse to avoid Sora, who was still on the warpath after their first meeting in the classroom. She hadn't blown up at Yama again, just treated him with a cool, disdainful manner, and that apparently pissed Tai off.

"Wow, you're in a band? I didn't know that! Are you any good?" Tai's eyes were sparkling. "What kind of music do you play? Have you had any jobs yet? What's your name?"

"Woah," Yama said, holding up his hands for Tai to slow down. "One question at a time. Yes, I'm in a band. We play rock, some hardcore stuff, some not. We've had a few gigs in local clubs. As for being any good, well, I think my opinion is a little biased. Hey," he said, brightening. "Why don't you come check out our practice? We usually perform better for an audience."

And Tai's face had lit up like a little kid at Christmas.

ooooOOOOOoooooo

Now that he thought about it, he wondered if this was such a good idea. His band wasn't exactly the most reserved group of people, nor the straightest, and bringing a cute little thing like Tai might very well scare him off for good. Ah, well, Yama thought, eyeing the brunette beside him. He'll either get over it, or we'll be done. Me and the band are a package deal.

"I figure I should warn you. The boys are a little...unusual. They're just joking around most of the time, especially Seki. Don't be afraid to punch him if he gets too close. He's used to it." Tai's expression faltered a little, and he seemed nervous for the briefest of seconds, but then he grinned.

"Don't worry about it, Yamato-kun. They're friends of yours, how bad can they be?" It was cute how naive Tai could be. Cute, and kind of frightening.

"If you say so," Yama replied with a heavy heart. Oh God.

"Yama-chaaaaaaan!" Yama was greeted by a crazed ball of Seki hurling himself at his chest and tackling him neatly to the sidewalk. Yama, all too used to this treatment, had managed to train himself to fall in such a way that he didn't injure himself, but Tai didn't know that–

(( SekiEric ))

"Yamato-kun!" Tai was there in all of two seconds, pushing a bewildered Seki away and pulling Yama to his feet, checking him for injury. "Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you?"

Yama laughed. "I'm fine, Tai, he does that all the time."

Tai probably would have responded had Seki not snaked his arms around Tai's waist from behind and buried his face in the brunette's neck. "Who's the bishounen, Yama? Is he taken?" Tai promptly turned bright red, and Yama wasn't sure if it was the indignity of being grabbed like that or anger at being referred to as a 'bishounen.'

"Leave him alone, Seki," Yama said. "He's here to watch practice, that's all. Trying to escape his _girlfriend_." Yama put emphasis on that last word for a reason–he hoped to God that Seki got the point and laid off.

Seki didn't.

"Girlfriend problems? Now that's a shame. Why don't you tell me all about it? I'm sure I can make you feel better..." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Tai, who seemed to be in very real danger of exploding from embarrassment.

"Seki. Off. Now." The new arrival glared at Seki with the one eye visible through his mop of dyed-green hair. Seki pouted at him in a ridiculously cute matter.

"Aww, but 'Ruki, look at him." He pinched Tai's cheek and Tai looked as if he dearly would have loved to bite him, had it not been for Seki's hold on his face. "He's adorable."

"Yes, that's what you said about the puppy you tried to bring home last month." Haruki crossed his arms over his chest and gave Seki another stern look. "Now let go of Yama's friend." Grumbling, Seki released Tai and wrapped his arms around Haruki's waist instead. Haruki sighed and rolled his eyes heavenward. "Get off of me, Seki."

"Don't be mean, 'Ruki," Seki purred throatily, biting his friend's ear. "Oh, look. We made Yama-chan's friend blush."

Yama glanced at Tai and it was true. Tai was brilliantly red, and looked as if he wanted nothing more than to melt into the sidewalk, but he managed a small, nervous smile. "Tai, this is Arakida Haruki and Fukishima Sekien. Haruki plays electric guitar and Seki's our drummer. Guys, this is Yagami Taichi."

Seki stuck out one hand, the other still wrapped possessively around Haruki's trim waist, and Tai couldn't help but notice that his fingernails were painted lime-green with little black hearts. "Pleased to meet'cha, Taichi. Hey, do you speak English?"

This seemed an odd introduction, even by Seki's standards, and Yama didn't step in, curious to see where he was going with this. Tai seemed equally confused and shook Seki's hand, nodding. Seki seemed very pleased by this. "Did you know what your surname spells backwards in English?"

Yama could tell Tai was struggling to remember how his name was spelled in English and then trying to flip it backwards. Yama, unfortunately, was better at English than Tai was, an figured it out in a matter of seconds. "Seki!" he admonished warningly. "What did I tell you about behaving around my friends? Tai, he's an idiot, don't–" But Tai had turned red again and was pointedly studying his sneakers.

"I'm not gay," he said quietly. "Maybe I should go, Yamato-kun."

Some weird cross between guilt, pity and outrage exploded through Yama's chest and stomach. Maybe he'd been wrong, maybe he'd pushed too much, too far, oh damn it all..."No, Tai, don't. I'm sorry, I did try to warn you..." He rounded on Seki, who gave him a wide-eyed innocent look. "And _you_," he growled menacingly. "If you so much as tease him again, Sekien, your ass is _mine_. C'mon, Tai, I'll introduce you to Katsu." And he grabbed a very flustered Tai by the wrist and stalked past his two band members.

"Is that a promise?" Seki called brightly after them. Haruki hit him on the head.

ooooooOOOOOOOoooooo

Tai was glad he'd stayed. Seki still caught him off-guard a little, but Yama had told him that was just the way he was, perpetually flirty and horny, and to just ignore him or brush him off. Haruki seemed nice enough, if a bit quiet, and Katsu was friendly, when he wasn't staring off into the distance and humming new tunes to himself.

And after the first hour, he'd even been able to stop staring at them and actually listen to the music.

Now, it wasn't that the music was _bad_, just...well...they were hot. Like, really, really hot. No, maybe that wasn't right–Seki was cute, with his large, sparkling green eyes and bright-blue hair. He was smaller than the rest of them, way skinnier, and seemed to prefer tighter clothes then anyone else. Like now, for instance, he was wearing what seemed to be girl's jeans, ripped at the knee and over one thigh and right under the ass, but Tai wasn't staring, of course not. And his shirt could have been a second skin, a second, shiny _black_ skin with the name of a band Tai didn't recognize blazing across the front. Coheed and Cambria? He'd asked about it and Seki had told him it was an American band that he was fond of. He was a good drummer, too, and even when he wasn't playing he was tapping a rhythm with a chunky boot on the ground.

Haruki's attention-grabbing appearance seemed at odds with his withdrawn personality, and Yama had assured him he only dressed that way for the stage. It was a wonder he could walk without tripping, baggy as his dark-gray pants were, but it didn't really seem to bother him. He was taller than Seki, taller than Yama, and Katsu only had about an inch on him. He wasn't as thin as either Seki or Yama, leaning more towards the 'lean and toned' category. His hair was dyed dark green and cut in an odd style, short in the back and long in the front, so that it was always flopping in front of one hazel eye. Tai supposed this was handy for someone as shy as Seki–he could hide behind it easily and no one was any the wiser. He was wearing a Malice Mizer T-shirt, and Tai had warmed to him instantly, as he'd always held a soft spot for that particular band. Especially Gackt. Yum.

And Katsu was the most 'normal' looking of all of them. His hair was still its natural colour and he wore jeans and a torn Hagane no Renkinjutsushi shirt. After a little wheedling from Seki, however, Katsu had removed the shirt and displayed the sunburst tattooed around his navel, the dragon on his lower back, and the barbed-wire designs around his biceps. It seemed that Katsu often went onstage shirtless, wearing only leather pants and boots, and the audience loved him. Tai had nodded and tried not to stare at the tantalizing play of ink over tanned skin and muscles.

He hadn't been thinking, and he'd asked Yama if he had any tattoos. Yama had flushed for the first time since Tai had met him, and Seki had laughed so hard he'd nearly given himself a conniption. Even quiet, reserved Haruki had snickered and Katsu had suddenly become very interested in restringing his guitar. Yama had muttered yes, but he was damned if Tai was going to get to see it on the first date. Tai had blushed as brightly as Yama and dropped the subject.

So now here he was, curled up on a squishy beanbag chair and watching Yama sing. He did have a pretty voice, Tai thought sleepily, all soft and seductive, like honey. Of course, considering the sort of songs the band performed, maybe poisoned honey was a better comparison?

"_A whispered prayer from bloody lips, _

_Bruises burned on slender hips,_

_And I know it's no apology,_

_But I never know what you want from me_

_If I swear I love you, will my lie be enough?"_

Tai shivered. Yama had this way of moving, a slight rocking of his hips against the mike stand and tossing his head between verses...Tai flushed when burning aqua eyes met his and Yama smirked.

Tai couldn't shake the feeling that Yama _knew. _Sure, maybe he was being a little paranoid, but there _had_ to be an explanation for the constant teasing (did Yama think he hadn't noticed?) and those _looks_. It was ridiculous–one glance from Yama, and Tai had to avert his gaze, because the stupid butterflies in his stomach began fluttering round every time their eyes met.

He hadn't noticed the song had ended until Yama smiled at him and asked if he'd liked it. Tai blinked at him for a moment, trying to formulate an answer that _didn't_ sound like a caveman, but before he had a chance, Seki had crawled into his lap, all but purring, smiling lazily, eyes half-lidded. "I think Tai-chan liked it," Seki rumbled deep in his chest, and then Tai yelped because the little prick's hand was up his _shirt_, and he was leaning in close enough that Tai could see the gold flecks in Seki's emerald eyes. "Yama-chan's damn sexy, isn't he?" Seki asked with a Cheshire Cat grin.

You know what, he'd had enough. Yama's teasing was one thing, _he_ knew how far to push it, but Seki...Seki just didn't know when to stop! And who the hell did he think he was, climbing into Tai's lap like they'd known each other for more than an hour? How the hell did Seki seem to know exactly what Tai had spent half his life hiding? "I'm not gay!" he protested and shoved Seki off of him, onto the floor, and Seki gave a startled yelp when he sprawled flat on his ass on the concrete warehouse floor. "I'm _not_ gay, and I'm fuckin' sick of you acting like I am! Like you know any thing about me!"

He'd like to think he exited with some dignity, but it probably wasn't true. He knew tears were brimming in his eyes and that was one of the reasons he had to get out of there _now,_ because if Yama saw him crying, he'd know that Seki's words had hit close to home, and what if Yama was just joking around with him all those times? Tai hadn't known Yama that long, true, but he enjoyed being around him enough that he didn't want to jeopardize that over something as stupid as this

But Yama probably thought he was a spoiled, bratty little princess after _that_ performance, and maybe he was right. Maybe Tai was being a little too uptight? He groaned and slid down the wall to collapse on the dirty pavement, knees pulled to his chest and face buried in his hands. Damn it. Damn it all. He should go back in there and apologize.

But he was crying now, really crying, real tears and everything. His shoulder shook and he bit his lip to keep the sobs back, to keep quiet, because what if they could hear him in there? This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He had a girlfriend, one that cared about him enough to not force the issue of sex, and he wasn't supposed to be _like_ this, curled up in some back alley, crying his heart out over a boy he barely knew. Was he even crying over Yama? He wasn't sure, but even thinking the blonde's name made his chest ache.

God, he was so beautiful. He wondered what would happen if he told him that...

"Tai? Hey, Tai, are you back here?"

Fuck.

"Over here, Yamato-kun." He hoped his voice sounded steadier than it really was. He wiped his eyes hastily with the heel of his hands and prayed Yama didn't notice.

"Were you crying?"

So much for that.

"Ah, damn." Yama crouched down in front of him and Tai glanced up miserably for a second before he flicked his gaze back to his sneakers. "I'm so sorry. God, he's such an idiot sometimes. Seriously, you should've just punched him. We wouldn't have minded. Are you okay?" He reached out as if to touch Tai's face and Tai jerked away.

"I'm fine." He couldn't make himself meet those eyes, he couldn't lie when Yama looked at him like that! "I just don't like him assuming I'm gay."

"I understand. Seki can be a bit pigheaded sometimes. He's not a bad guy, though. Just a little dense."

"I'm not gay," Tai whispered and it was like a mantra, some magical incantation that would come true if he said it enough. "I'm not."

The last thing Yama wanted to do was scare Tai, but he couldn't help but wonder if the boy really was that far in denial that he actually _believed_ that. "You know," he began cautiously, fully aware that Tai might kill him for the insinuation, "it would really be okay if you were. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. I don't care, really. I wouldn't tell any–"

"Stop, Yama."

Yama wondered if he should point out the fact that Tai had actually used his nickname, but figured there would be a more appropriate time later. "I just...I mean, if it's your parents or whatever telling you it's wrong, they're just–"

"I said stop, Yama." Tai was watching him now with the oddest meld of pain and confusion in his warm, sad brown eyes and, to borrow a cliche, Yama's heart melted. Poor thing, so lost and scared! He wondered why Tai was so adamant about denying this. Maybe he'd been wrong after all? If so, he was no better than Seki, pushing an issue that didn't need to be brought up.

"I'm sorry," Yama began, but before he could explain _why_ he was sorry, Tai was leaning across the gap between then, grabbing Yama's shoulders in an iron grip and pressing their lips together desperately, and Yama could feel him shaking, as if Tai thought Yama would push him away.

Yama was surprised, to say the least. Something in this conversation hadn't fit–Tai had insisted he was straight, and then proceeded to kiss him. He wondered how he was supposed to react, if he should just sit there and let Tai carry on, or if he was expected to reciprocate. And then Tai's tongue flicked at his lower lip, tentative and shy and it was just so damn _sweet_ that Yama had to pull him closer and show him how it was done properly.

His first kiss with a boy, Tai thought with surprising calm, and it wasn't bad at all. Different from Sora's, though, definitely. Yama was more aggressive, for one, because he'd taken all of ten seconds to plunge his tongue into Tai's mouth and wrap his arms around the brunette's waist. And Yama's mouth wasn't anything like hers, not as soft and yielding, and he even tasted different, like pocky and toothpaste and something Tai couldn't quite place, but liked well enough anyways. Those hands weren't bad either, resting just on the small of his back, warm and insistent, pulling them together until Tai somehow was in Yama's lap, legs wrapped around his waist. Not bad at all. Tai moaned and Yama seemed to like that, judging by the way Yama's hips rolled against his own and the way the hands on his back slipped just that much lower.

Tai didn't hear the door open, didn't hear Seki's heavy boots on the pavement. He did, however, hear Seki gasp and then give something that sounded suspiciously like a giggle. "Well damn," he said and Tai pulled away from Yama, flushed crimson and horribly aware that he was still in Yama's _lap_ of all places. "For a straight guy, you sure seemed pretty into that. Nice job, Yama-chan!" He gave Yama a disturbingly cheerful thumbs-up, but Yama was watching Tai, watching horror spread over the tanned face as he realized where he was, what he'd been _doing_.

"Oh God, Yama, I–I'm so sorry." He pushed himself up, staggering to his feet and back a few steps, hands pressed over his mouth as if he were either about to scream or be sick. "I shouldn't have–I need to go," he said suddenly. He glanced at Seki, back at Yama, then turned and took off, paying no heed to where he was going. He just knew he needed to be somewhere else, very, very fast.

ooooooOOOOOooooooo

Twenty minutes later, Tai still had no idea where he was going, and it looked suspiciously like rain. It figured, really, this wasn't his day–fuck it, it wasn't his damn _week_–and hey, if the heavens wanted to open up on him, who cared?

He glanced up at the buildings around him, hoping to God he wasn't as lost as he thought he was, and swore when he realized where he was. Stupid, stupid _fucking_ subconscious, taking him directly to the last place on earth he should have been right now, what with all that had happened.

He was standing in the middle of Daisuke's neighbourhood.

It made sense, he supposed, he'd always run to Dai when he'd had a problem before, but now...he'd tried to apologize and Dai hadn't wanted anything to do with him...was it really fair to be unloading all of this on someone that didn't even want to be his friend?

_Daisuke's a better person than you are_, he reminded himself. He knew Dai would hear him out, at least, which was more than he could say for most people.

And God, did he need someone to talk to right now.

He knew the way to Dai's house by heart, even though it had been nearly six months since he'd been there. Nothing had changed, or at least not anything big. Small stuff, like the colour of the leaves and the graffiti on the street signs, but the surroundings were deceptively familiar, and Tai could almost convince himself that nothing had happened between him, that Dai would be waiting for him with that same stupid grin.

He couldn't pretend he wasn't nervous, climbing those steps for the first time since _it_ had happened, but it was somewhat reassuring that his mother's car wasn't in the driveway, which meant she wasn't going to be home. Tai wouldn't have to pretend everything was okay for her benefit, because he doubted Dai had told her what happened.

He rang the doorbell with trembling fingers and waited, twisting the edge of his T-shirt in his hands. What if Dai saw who it was and refused to answer? What if he just laughed and told Tai he deserved it? No, Dai wasn't that type of person. He wasn't.

The door opened and Tai glanced up hopefully. But it wasn't Dai, wasn't Dai at _all_, it was the little black-haired boy Dai had been kissing in the locker room _that_ day, and in this light Tai could see that his hair was more of a deep blue. He didn't look particularly pleased to see Tai–actually, he seemed to be entirely ready to leap across the threshold and strangle Tai.

"E-excuse me," Tai said. "Is Daisuke-kun here?"

"He's taking a shower," the black-haired boy said none too politely. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Ichijouji Ken. Dai's _lover_." It was perfectly clear that Ken knew exactly who Tai was; he said that last bit defensively, as if he expected Tai to make some rude comment about the nature of their relationship.

"Yagami Taichi." Tai held out a hand. Ken didn't shake it.

"Why are you here, Yagami?" Tai winced–his treatment of Ken's lover hadn't gone unnoticed, and hadn't been forgiven, obviously. He didn't even use an honorific, and Tai was older than him.

"I need to speak to Daisuke-kun."

"I think you've said enough to him, don't you?" Ken crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorjamb, blocking Tai's way. "He's told me all about you, Yagami. I heard what you did to him."

"I didn't mean to–I've apologized to him already! He told me he forgave me!"

"You think an _apology_ can make up for what you did? He loved being on that team, Yagami, almost as much as he loved being around you. He used to talk about you all the time. It was always 'Taichi-sempai' this, and 'Taichi-sempai' that. And then after you said all those horrible things to him? He _cried_, Yagami. Because of you. And I'm going to hazard a guess that you're not here to apologize again, because it wouldn't have taken you six months to do it. I can't believe you think you deserve his help after what you did."

Tai gaped. Ken was right, horribly, awfully right, he didn't deserve Dai's help, not after everything he'd done, but...he didn't know where else to run, he was so confused... "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I never...I didn't want to hurt him..."

"But you did. And the worst part is, he can't even get angry with you. If it was me, I'd have outted you to the entire school by now. Lucky you screwed him over instead, isn't it?"

"I–"

"I think it's time for you to leave, _Taichi-sempai_." And Ken slammed the door in his face, leaving Tai alone on the front steps, feeling worse than he ever had in his entire life. So he did exactly what he'd done before–he ran.

And, as before, he didn't know where he was going, didn't want to think about where he was going. He just ran, because when his lungs were screaming for oxygen and his body burned from pushing it past its limits, he didn't have to replay in his mind the conversation he'd had with Ken, the way Yama smiled at him, the way Yama had tasted–

ooooOOOOOOoooooo

It was pouring now, and he jumped when lightning lanced through the sky followed by a loud clap of thunder. He was soaking wet and shivering, and worst of all, _lost._ He had no idea where he was, no idea at all. The buildings around him weren't familiar, he didn't recognize the name of the street he was on, and it was getting dark.

Not his day, not his day, not his fucking _day_. Everything had gone as wrong as it possibly could. And now he was wet, unhappy, and hopelessly lost, with no money to pay a cab and a dead cell phone. Maybe he could find a pay phone somewhere once this rain let up, or a nice store owner that would let him use the phone...he ducked into a bus stop, grateful for the meager shelter, and shook his head like a dog, trying to dry his hair off.

This earned him a squeal from the girl sharing the bus stop, and before he could apologize she'd opened her massive pink umbrella in an attempt to shield herself from the water he'd sprayed everywhere. "Sorry," Tai mumbled, slumping onto the cold metal seat.

After a few seconds, seemingly satisfied that he'd no intent of continuing to pelt her with rainwater, she closed the umbrella. Everything about her was pink–pink makeup, pink suede skirt, sparkly pink halter top, chunky pink heels, pink earrings and necklace, and, strangest of all, pink _hair._ She was pretty, even he could tell that–not in a Sora sort of way, more like a model straight off the pages of those magazines Kari kept getting in the mail. She'd somehow managed to weave fake jewels shaped like tiny stars into her hair and they glimmered every time she moved her head. "Well, I think you at least owe me a better apology than _that_!" she said in perfect English. "This rain's bad enough for my hair, I don't need someone bringing it into the bus stop with them! And look!" She pointed with apparent horror at a few wet spots on her skirt. "This is my favourite skirt!"

"It's just water," Tai growled in Japanese. Great. Just what he needed. Some _gaijin_ girl whining at him.

She gave an exasperated sort of groan and began scolding him in her slightly accented Japanese. "Water is suede's worst enemy! I can't believe you didn't know that! Are gay Japanese boys more clueless than the American ones?"

He stared at her, giving her his full attention for the first time since he'd sat down. "What did you say?"

She blinked, startled. "Oh, I'm sorry! You're straight? You're–I just thought–oh, I'm so stupid!"

"How did you–?" Was it that obvious? Was that why Matt teased him so much, why Seki picked on him? Was there something about the way he acted?

"You _are_ gay then?"

He nodded dumbly.

"Oh, thank God." She pressed her hand to her chest with a dramatic sigh. "I didn't know what I was going to do if I'd just embarrassed myself in front of potential boyfriend material! My name's Mimi, what's yours?" She stuck the aforementioned hand out with a bright smile.

"Taichi," he said, still dazed, shaking her hand. She was the most..._vibrant_ person he'd ever met, a far cry from the usually-reserved Japanese people he was used to dealing with. If all Americans were like this, how did anything over there ever get done? "How did you know I was...?"

"Honey, I grew up in San Francisco. My gay-dar's _never _wrong."

"Gay what?" He wondered if that was some American word he'd never heard of–his English wasn't perfect, after all.

"Just means I can separate that fairies from the frat boys, that's all. You're not _obvious_ about it or anything. So, what happened to you?"

"Hunh?" She was worse than Seki! He felt like a complete idiot, but he couldn't follow the train of conversation. She was all over the place, punctuating each word with exaggerated (and often violent) hand movements. And she seemed to know more about him than he did!

"Oh, come on, a cute little thing like you wouldn't be wandering the streets in the middle of a rainstorm looking like a lost puppy if everything was alright! You can tell me. Boy problems?"

Tai knew he was blushing, he could feel all the blood rushing to heat his cheeks and he ducked away from her gaze a bit. "I don't even know you," he said, more harshly than he'd intended.

"Doesn't that make it all easier? I don't expect anything from you, so you can't disappoint me! I can't judge you, because I've never seen you before in my life. See? Problem solved."

So she wasn't all looks. He gave her a sideways glance; he'd never expected her to be this perceptive. But, he supposed, that was fair, considering that she was drowning in pink and looked every inch the cut-and-dry American airhead. "Why help someone you don't know?"

"I figure you wouldn't be out here if you had anyone else. Am I right?"

Damn her, she was. And it kind of hurt to hear that, but it was true–he'd screwed Dai over, no chances there, he'd just fucking made out with Yama in a dirty alleyway, how whore-ish could he get, Kari would never understand, and no one else knew..."Yeah," he choked, hating the way his voice sounded, so small and pitiful. "I don't–don't have anyone. To talk to."

"What happened?" she probed gently and Tai, much to his chagrin, felt traitorous tears welling up in his eyes again. And here he thought he'd cried himself dry. Shit.

"I fucked up," was all he managed before he had to bury his face in his hands. "I fucked up bad. I–I have a _girlfriend_, I can't just–and he knows, I swear he knows, but he didn't even say anything, just–he just sat there! What's that supposed to mean?" A comforting arm wound around his shoulder and he curled into it, shaking with barely-suppressed sobs.

"Why don't we start from the beginning. You have a girlfriend? I thought you were–oh, wait, you haven't told anyone yet, have you? Ooh, poor thing..."

"I told my sister," Tai muttered numbly. "And–and I told my best friend."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't care. He's–he's gay too. And my soccer team walked in on him and his boyfriend...I said horrible things to him. I didn't mean it, but he–I–he was so damn nice about it, and I made him _cry_. I just–I didn't want anyone finding out about me, I couldn't think–but his...his lover said I screwed him up, and I tried so hard to apologize, but he'd just–just _look_ at me, and he looked so damn sad, but he said he couldn't just forget what I'd done." Tai burrowed deeper into Mimi's hold. "I don't deserve to be forgiven, I just wanted him to get mad at me, but he's too nice...he was always too nice to me, and I don't know what to do..."

"Just give him time," Mimi soothed. "He'll come around, Taichi-san."

"Just Tai, please, none of that '-san' shit."

"Does your girlfriend know anything?"

"I–I think she suspects...we've been friends forever, I don't want to lose her, but it's not fair to keep leading her on when I know it's never going to work. I just...I've known her since we were practically in diapers, and I know she'll walk out on me if I say anything. This kid transferred into our class and he was playing around, y'know, just joking, but she thought he was hitting on me and now she'll barely talk to me, 'cause I'm still friends with him."

"What's he like?"

Tai smiled, a sad, hopeless, wry smile, and looked up into her kind amber eyes. "Beautiful," he whispered, as if saying it too loud would sully the word, cheapen it somehow. "He's beautiful."

ooooooooOOOOOooooooooo

"Geez, Yama-chan, I don't know what you're so pissed about–"

"You!" Yama exploded, whirling on Seki, a challenge in his ice-blue eyes. "You! Climbing all over him like you're some sort of stripper when you know damn well he's still in denial! Dammit, Seki, have some respect!"

"Oh, and I suppose snogging him in the middle of an alleyway is respectful?" Seki shot back. They were circling each other now, like tigers about to lunge, Seki empty-handed, Yama wielding the mike stand. Haruki was tuning his guitar and paying no attention to his band mates. Katsu was scanning a page of lyrics Yama had written and humming to himself, occasionally plucking a chord on his bass or hitting a key on the battered old Yamaha keyboard he'd lugged up here for reasons unbeknownst to the rest of the Wolves, since no keyboards were featured in any of their songs.

"He kissed me, not the other way around! And who the hell are you to lecture me about dating! You'd fuck anything that moves!"

"So would you! 'S why you slept with me, isn't it? Poor little Yama, so mentally _fucked_ that he screws any guy in sight to make himself _feel better_!"

Yama growled and threw the mike stand at Seki, who barely dodged it. "Screw you!"

"You already have, Yama-_chan_!"

"Is that what this is about? You and me? Because it didn't work out?" Yama's fists dropped and the fire faded from his eyes. He looked tired, Seki noted, and genuinely concerned. He hadn't been sleeping well lately, and Seki wondered if he'd been eating, he looked dead on his feet–well fuck him, Seki growled to himself. Fuck him and his naive little boy toy, what the hell did he care if he was sleeping enough? "Seki–"

"No! Fuck you, _no_, don't you _dare_ be nice about this!" Seki clenched his fists so hard that he tore into his palms, and he didn't even feel it, just glanced down and saw blood–his blood–dripping onto the dirty warehouse floor. Haruki was watching him now, the one unreadable hazel eye fixed on him, intent, and Seki squirmed under the gaze. 'Ruki knew they'd slept together, he'd walked in on them the morning after, and he'd seemed plenty pissed about it at the time. Of course, pissed for 'Ruki didn't mean much–he just went all quiet and martyr-ish, but still... "Fuck off, Yama."

"Seki–I didn't know...I mean, I was drunk and I'm pretty sure I was stoned...you never said..."

"What, that I cared about you?" Seki laughed bitterly. "Would it have mattered? Not like Prince Yama would ever have time for a slut like me–"

Yama was across the room in a flash and Seki heard the slap before he felt it. Then the pain kicked in, prickled across his cheek and he touched it blankly, wondering what hell had frozen over. Yama, calm, cold Yama, had just _hit_ him. "You know that's not what it was, Seki."

"I do? Of course, because you were _so_ reassuring–"

"Seki–"

"I mean, if it _bothered_ you that I'm such a whore, it would've been bloody considerate of you to _tell_ me–"

"Don't call yourself that, Seki. You're not a whore." Yama grabbed Seki's arm and pried his hand open. "And stop doing this. It's not good for you." Suddenly, Seki couldn't breathe because Yama had hugged him hard around the chest, crushed him in an embrace and Seki's face was pressed into Yama's collarbone. "God, Seki, why didn't you say anything?"

Haruki stood up so fast that his chair fell over and Seki jumped. He could barely see his friend out of the corner of his eye, but 'Ruki had thrown his head forward, hiding behind that ragged curtain of green hair and was motioning for Katsu to follow him. Katsu did, and within thirty seconds, Yama and Seki were alone.

"Didn't want to screw things up. Not like it matters anymore. You're too good a friend to lose 'cause of that." Oh, damn it all, Seki was crying now. Stupid hormones. He sniffled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Yama guided him gently to the floor and finally let him go.

"You deserve better," Yama said. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have slept with you if I'd known–"

"Yeah, yeah," Seki laughed, despite the tears. God, how long had he kept that bottled up? Not that he really felt for Yama anymore, but it had hurt so bad at the time to be used by the guy he thought he loved...and somehow, getting that out into the open was like a weight off his back. And Yama was smiling at him, so he wasn't mad– "You just couldn't resist my cute little ass."

"You know that's not true." Yama grinned and shoved his friend.

"Yeah," Seki said. "And I know you'd have tried to work it out if I'd told you. But I've got someone else now, y'know? No offense, you're still wet dream material, but, uh–the new guy kinda suits me better."

Yama smiled, that damn know-it-all smile that somehow convinced everyone that he really _did_ know it all, and made a vague gesture towards the door. "Can I hazard a guess and say it's tall, dark and one-eyed?"

Seki punched Yama's shoulder playfully. "He's got two eyes! He just hides, is all."

"Suuuure," Yama said, rolling his eyes heavenward. "Whatever you say."


End file.
